Saturday, July 9, 2011

You are Beautiful

The Prayer of the Beautiful: 

God, thank you for creating me in perfection, and for helping me see my own beauty when I turn to fear or doubt about who I am, who you created me to be. Help me to see my beauty in each moment, knowing that you love every part of me, even the things that I have come to think of as bad. You know why those thoughts are there, and know what their purpose is or what challenges I have faced, and you are with me always in helping me remember. Help me also to see the beauty in others, and in every situation which I am presented, feeling gratitude for every experience, knowing that You and your angels are my guides. I promise to seek to see good in everything and everyone, knowing that doing so will show me the way home to You, the way to eternal joy. Amen. 


Say this in your prayers and feel yourself lift up, feel the empowerment that comes with it, and then use that energy to fuel you to do something good for the world. Share that light another in your kindness, in your willingness to see each person as beautiful, just like you. 

Have a blessed and joyous day. You are beautiful...So choose to see beauty, and behave beautifully.
http://www.seeingmiracleseveryday.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Animals in this world do not only have four legs - Husband blinds his own wife

Blinded UBC student arrives back in Vancouver

An emotional and humble Rumana Manzur tearfully thanks Canadians for their support as the disfigured UBC student returned to Vancouver.
The woman, a victim of a horrific domestic assault in Bangladesh that left her blinded, was wheeled off a plane in a wheelchair at Vancouver International Airport.
She was wearing dark sunglasses over her gouged eyes, the but scabs and sores over her nose and face showed the lasting results of the alleged beating at the hands of her husband.
But even in her condition, Manzur was grateful to be back in Canada, where she will receive treatment at UBC in an attempt to save her vision.
“It feels great to be great here among you beautiful people. I want to see you beautiful people again, I really do,” Manzur sobbed. “I want to thank all of you for supporting me in this crucial period of my life.”
Several family, friends and fellow students greeted Manzur at the airport.
The emotional homecoming was a powerful moment for student Mohsen Seddigh.
“Seeing her up close, I know what she must have been through. It must have been devastating for her,” he said. “I told her we’re glad to have her back and that we love her.”
After her brief remarks to a throng of awaiting media, Manzur was whisked away from the airport surrounded by family and driven away.
She asked people to pray for her successful recovery.


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Happiness

Quote from kathy:
"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. ♥"





Growing up



Narcissism is a normal and natural stage of psychological development. The word comes from the mythical Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in the water. A narcissist is someone who is self-absorbed. A three year old child is self-absorbed. He wants the toy, so he gets it. If another child cries over the toy, oh well. At three years of age, a child cannot see things from someone else’s perspective but their own. That’s normal. When the self-absorbed narcissist is thirty years old, that’s pathological.
By developing psychologically, a person becomes able to take more perspectives than his or her own. The eg0-centric stage of development allows access for only one perspective: “I” (my, me, mine). The next stage of development allows one to take a second perspective: “You” – which is the condition to have a “We”. Then, as one grows up further, he or she can take a third perspective: “It” (or he, she, and they).
The grown-up narcissist is self-absorbed. He cannot put himself in other people’s shoes. He only has access to his own perspective: “What I think / feel / want”. The world revolves around them. Their life motto is: “I want it, I get it”. And they see everybody else as if they were living by the same motto as well.
The short ‘attraction’ phase of our relationship quickly turned into the power struggle phase, which never evolved to a collaboration phase. One reason was that I was a narcissist too. I didn’t see further than my own needs and desires, my own frustrations and pain. I used to cry night after night, wondering what I did wrong, why is this happening to me, how can I get out of this misery.
Then one day I started asking this man I had married: What makes you say or do that? My conversations switched from how “I” feel to “What’s it like being in your skin?” I had started to grow up.
If you are a woman reading this, please read on. Take a printout of this post with you on your date, as a checklist of signs to look out for. Or, if you’re married to a narcissist, just be aware, and then make your choices. But I warn you, you must play your part in growing up. Just blaming it on the man doesn’t work. I tried it for years. It sucks and doesn’t work. You have to grow up.

  • You’ll be his trophey. Remember, the narcissist’s preoccupations are skin-deep. He identifies with the body, and he identifies you with your body as well. You’ll be his trophey to display to his buddies, and what he’ll value most in you are your breasts, or legs, or lips – or brand-name clothes, or the car you drive. All men are visual, and they will first see your looks before they’ll see your personality, character and deeds. But the narcissist will only see your looks. And if your looks are not up to par, he won’t show you to his buddies or his folks. Narcissus needs Echo by his side.
  • The narcissist cannot love you. He may be infatuated with an image that he has about you, to the extent to which you serve his needs well. Once you don’t fulfill his needs and wants, he won’t care whether you’re dead or alive. He just can’t. To love you he must know you, and take an interest in who you are as a person, take an interest in your world, learn to say something in your mother tongue, find out who your friends are and why you like them. The narcissist will invest time, attention and money in you for as long as you are an asset to him. Not one more moment after.
  • The narcissist in love sounds like this: “I love you. I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re hot. You turn me on. I am attracted to you. I want to make love to you all night long.”
It’s very flattering, I know. It’s easy to fall for the serenades. I know I did, over and over again. But that onld song turned into noise. You want to know what the man in my dreams sounds like?
“You are a beautiful, and an interesting woman. What made you choose to do what you’re doing? What do you like most about it? What would you change if you could? How many siblings are you at home? Where do your parents live, and how often do you get to see them? Can I see some of your childhood pictures? My favourite food is Indian and Thai. What about you? What do you like? What’s the name of your favourite author? Why?”
In my dreams, I am loved the way Brian Adams sings:
“To really love a woman
To understand her – you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought – see every dream
N’ give her wings – if she wants to fly”
Looking in your eyes, a narcissist sees himself. Looking deeply in your eyes, the Dream Lover sees your Soul, if he loves this song but only just refers to it when he is trying to deceive his next victim,  you will know when he clips your wings instead of showing you how to fly with him, then you will know he used the words of the song to trap your heart, his goal  was to trap and cage your mind and body and torment you with the images of the man you want him to be, but a man he can never become because he is a narcissist and will never grow up to become a real man,  he will never live up to the image of the man in your dreams. *greekspirit*


Can you change them???




According to the American Psychological Association, 
people with narcissistic personality disorder display a chronic and pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. The Greek myth has it that Narcissus died enraptured by the beauty of his own reflection in a pool and feel forever in love with his own reflection. The Narcissist displays an operating style that involves extreme self-involvement, and a grandiose sense of self- importance. They exaggerate their achievements and talents, expecting others to recognize them as superior and often appearing arrogant and extremely self absorbed.

Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty, they require the constant attention and admiration of those around them, although they are very choosy about the people and institutions they will associate closely with. They often admit to being snobs and are actually proud of it. They also believe that their problems are unique and can be appreciated only by other “special” high - status people. Despite their charm, the favorable first impression they make, and their wide circle of notable acquaintances, people with this disorder are rarely able to maintain a stable, long-term relationship. With their boastful and pretentious manner, narcissistic persons are seldom receptive to the feelings of others. They show a general lack of empathy, an inability or unwillingness to recognize and identify with your thoughts and needs. Many are often successful, impressively knowledgeable, and articulate, yet bored and doubt ridden as well.

Conversely, healthy narcissism is essential for emotional well-being. We need narcissism to feel confident in ourselves, and to give adequate consideration to others. NOTE: The healthy narcissist does not focus exclusively on themselves, demanding that the world reflect back their false manufactured sense of self and an image of idealized perfection.

KEY: Early childhood conditioning also plays a part. The child’s real or authentic self has generally been ignored, or the child’s self may have been attacked and assaulted while the parents placed demands on the child to be “perfect.” When that occurs, the type of behavior we associate with a narcissistic disorder is overindulged. Fiercely driven to achieve, children never develop the capacity to consider others’ needs.  Enter adulthood, and the same traits naturally carry over.

What To Watch Out For
Most people with this disorder advertise themselves… They seek to be the center of attention. In search of constant approval and praise to reinforce their false grandiose sense of self, they’re “on- stage,” dominating the conversation, often exaggerating their importance.

They lack empathy for others and have an inflated sense of entitlement, requiring others to respond to their demands and grant favors.  They need everything for themselves and are envious of others’ accomplishments and possessions.

Criticism or disapproval takes them back to their difficult childhoods, sending them into a defensive fury, since any flaw or mistake means they’re not perfect. Also, when things go wrong, they cannot acknowledge the imperfections implicit in accepting responsibility.

Appearance matters more than substance. Power, wealth and beauty bolster their fragmented self-image.


They may be extremely driven because the “narcissistic fuel” of outside approval is so essential. Many are workaholics. Warning: this personality disorder may not be immediately obvious. The subtle ones won’t show their true colors until “deprived.” Caution: Others may actually pursue and cater to you, if you have something they want, such as looks, money, or status.

Can you change them? Reality check: No. Even constructive criticism is experienced by them as an affront and is met with anger and a sense of betrayal. Placating only results in more demands, not a return of thoughtfulness and consideration. In fact, if you always excuse or rationalize self-absorption and give in to constant demands, you are actually supporting and reinforcing their narcissistic needs and wants.

Narcissism



Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he/she has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. He/she became emotionally stuck at the time of his/her major trauma of separation/attachment.
In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He/she generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted.
The protective insulation barrier he/she constructed is called a false persona. He/she created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary.
Try to get close or ask personal questions as to how he/she is internally doing and feeling and you will find is that he/she will quickly distract you. They will sidestep the question with another joke, making you suddenly forget what you were asking. Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe” and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life.
There is also the success oriented narcissist. He/she will be your friend and keep you close to him/her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and he/she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.
I remember a significant half dozen of these in my life. One narcissist in particular avoids me like the plague because he knows that I do not ultimately plan my life around whether people like me or not. Hence my behavior cannot be controlled by him. He is threatened by my self-assuredness. I’m not safe to him. It does not matter that I have helped him in critical moments of his life. When he realized that he could not control me to make him look good when I was with him, he dropped me like a heavy weight. I received no more phone calls and was taken off his radar screen.
s there hope for an extreme narcissist living in an emotional and relational fort of isolation. Is a narcissist able to have a healthy life? Definitely! I’ve seen many extreme narcissists become extremely healthy in their emotional and relational life. The first step is to find competent and safe help that knows how to heal emotional traumas. Just because a counselor may have all kinds of credentials it does not mean they are competent in dealing effectively with trauma issues. Because extreme narcissists tend to have an early history of emotional wounds they are full of distrust. If they can get past this hurdle then they can begin to find help to heal.
Second, extreme narcissists have to be willing to enter the realm of their feelings again. They have been the masters of covering and hiding, even to themselves. They now have to start uncovering painful wounds. They have taught themselves to stuff and disconnect their own feelings for years. Because of this, they tend to live inside their heads, in the realm of so called reason. They are likely to live in the world of rational principles, laws, rules, which are all linear. This domain is a realm they feel they can control. It is devoid of feelings. The realm of the heart or feelings is very intimidating and unsafe to them because it is non-linear and there is very little control of the outcomes. If extreme narcissists can overcome these two hurdles then there is much hope for them. They are on their road to healing.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/




Narcissistic Relationships


Narcissistic Relationships Put The Partners At Risk In Many Ways


Narcissistic Relationships bring with them huge risks to the partner of the narcissist because their behavior is a manifestation of an excessive ego and self absorption at the cost of everyone around them. Over the years, if this behavior doesn't change, it generally results in a codependent, emotionally draining and abusive relationship. 

Narcissistic Relationships will require lots of energy and work, because narcissists are in constant need for outside support and approval. Once these needs are fulfilled they feel powerful, but many times this need will be very hard to be satisfied and the self image and the peace of the partner may be dramatically impacted.

Narcissistic Relationships test the mental limits of their partners patience, and individuals in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is not 'quite right', feel a lack of emotional connection and most eventually realize it's wise to seek answers to the unsettling experience of their day to day contact with a narcissist.


Narcissistic Relationships - The Signs Of Narcissism.

The first step is to recognise the signs.

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, like they have a special mission on this earth and they often have a 'I am the emperor' type of personality, and they expect all others should behave as humble servants of their wishes.


They always exaggerate their achievements and talents making everything in their power to gain everybody's attention and recognition. Most of the times they are arrogant and self absorbed to fulfill what they see as their special destiny.


Narcissists will indulge in fantasies of tremendous power, success or beauty, being addicted to the attention and admiration that others manifest. You will find much snobbery between them which they do not deny it but rather be proud of it.


They see themselves as unique masterpieces. Complicated rather than complex personalities, they will find it difficult to empathize with other people.


They can't actually go out of the margins of their own personality, not understanding how people don't think the same as they do. That's why many times you may have the feeling of talking to a blank wall because no matter how deep you explain your point of view, most likely a narcissist will not understand.


They often can't maintain long relationships, because they lack empathy and most times people around them give up on explaining themselves over and over again.


Narcissists tend to transform their partners in beggars - you will beg for understanding and some unconditional attention but most of the time you will celebrate only leftovers from the feast in which the narcissist has indulged.
If you're in a narcissistic relationship it's essential that you protect yourself, from many areas that you will be under attack. Some of these types of abuse are:

Emotional Abuse: 


The verbally abusive and controlling narcissist - the one who uses emotional abuse as his weapon of choice. He tells his victim who she can see, think and do. Or in the case of Janet, whose husband makes her recite every day, "I'm only worth 29 cents - the price of a bullet," and in doing so he erodes her self-worth to nothing to keep her under his control.

Who else could possible want such a worthless woman? With that belief formed, she will never leave him for good, although she makes many brief attempts to do so. The brainwashing that continues daily is emotionally exhausting, draining, and vastly unhealthy.

Verbal Abuse:

Verbal abuse is hurtful and usually attacks the nature and abilities of the partner. Over time, the partner may begin to believe that there is something wrong with her / her abilities. She may come to feel that she is the problem, rather than her partner.

Verbal abuse is often insidious. The partner's self-esteem gradually diminishes, usually without her realizing it's happening. She may consciously or unconsciously try to change her behavior so as not to upset the abuser.

Sexual Abuse:

Normally a narcissist stays within the law, but may break the rules of morality of a society. Narcissist are careful about it because, even if they do not feel guilty, they want to avoid the shame of discovery.

The sexual relationship with the narcissist is peculiar. Narcissists are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. True intimacy doesn't and you will frequently feel used. The narcissist will demand that you subdue yourself to their wishes.

Physical Abuse: 
Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically abusive although there are some out there that are. Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse. Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to control others.





Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and dearest to them, love, admire, tolerate, and cater to their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate disposal.
Since narcissists cannot be changed, you need to reevaluate your needs and long term goals for the relationship - it may be interesting for a while to be around such type of people but in the long run it gets exhausting and anger and resentment will overshadow any feelings of love and tenderness.

Don't give in to their never-ending demands, keep your independence from this type of person - if in any way you depend on them, they will blackmail you to make you give in to their desires.

Don't let yourself be infuriated by their lack of empathy or understanding - they are not capable of it. Showing them their incapacity will do nothing - they will blame you for everything that it doesn't work.

Narcissists will be attached to those that satisfy their needs but will never treat them as partners but as followers. They have the need to lead and be in control constantly - they do not need equals but disciples or pleasers. The worst thing that can happen is when one narcissist meets someone with low self-esteem - it will be the perfect victim and toy for them.

Finally, you need to decide when enough is enough. A relationship with a narcissist can take you places where you do not want to be, can make you behave in ways you do not recognize yourself . It can undermine your self esteem and will rob you of the attention you need to give to yourself trying to meet all their needs.

http://www.squidoo.com/narcissistic-relationships

Monday, July 4, 2011

Welcome back Shania

Venus in Cancer - July 4 - 28, 2011

Venus in Cancer ~ July 3/4 to 28, 2011

As we treasure one another, we invest our time, give our love, and entrust parts of the self to that person. We become vulnerable to another being, as that person also opens himself/herself to us. Caring for another or others requires emotional support and sensitivity to their needs and not our own. Matters of the heart cannot always be understood with words, reason or logic. Emotions are raw and valid with their own merit. They are sourced within the self and the 'why' is sometimes inexplicable.
Read more: http://www.astrogrrl.com/2011/06/venus-in-cancer-july-3-4-to-28-2011.html#ixzz1R7z2stLj 
Original content by Jan | astrogrrl 
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives

Love and relationship take on a more serious tone as Venus leaves light and carefree Gemini for the deep, complex waters of Cancer. Venus enters Cancer on July 3rd at 9:17 p.m. PDT / July 4th at 12:17 a.m. EDT, where she stays until July 28th. Venus governs love, relationships of all types, our values/value system, and worth (self-worth/material worth).



Venus in Cancer reminds me of this movie clip........Country Strong love song.



Country Strong songs